


Santa Baby

by wendyindahouse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Best Friends, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Secret Santa, oblivious idiots, pining!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 14:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2854004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendyindahouse/pseuds/wendyindahouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is surprised when he receives a Secret Santa letter from someone who has a crush on him, confused by the anonymous author who writes such beautiful sentiments but seems to think they're unworthy of his time or affection in return.</p><p>Dean, meanwhile, has a Secret Santa (or three) of his own, but is any of them the one person he truly wishes felt that way about him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Santa Baby

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for the [12daysofdestiel](http://12daysofdestiel.tumblr.com/) blog over on tumblr, and BIG thanks to my [lovely beta](http://appleblossomdean.tumblr.com) :)
> 
> ([my tumblr](http://poorbeautifuldean.tumblr.com))

 

 

> _Cas_ _,_
> 
> _You’re important and you matter.  Someone should tell you that every day, because it’s true.  And I hope this will make you smile, because your smile is a beautiful thing_ _Cas._ _You’re beautiful, inside and out, and I guess I just thought someone should tell you that._
> 
> _Your Secret Santa_

 

Cas gazes down in disbelief at the sheet of paper in his hands, skimming the brief words for the umpteenth time but still unable to accept their meaning, because really, this must be some mistake.  Yet here it is, clear as day despite the cramped, blocky lettering designed to disguise the handwriting: his name at the top, closely followed by those precious, sweet words, so unexpected. 

“What you got there, Cas ?”

A familiar voice snaps him out of his daze and he turns to find Dean leaning casually against his locker, a gentle smile on his face, eyes trained on the now-crumpled note clutched between Cas’ fingers. 

“I don’t know,” Cas murmurs, eyes flickering back to the page yet again to check that, yes, the words are still there, still the same. 

“What?” Dean asks, confused.  “What do you mean, you don’t know?”  Cas looks back up at Dean, his forehead wrinkled in consternation. 

“It appears to be a letter from a Secret Santa, Dean.” 

“And that’s confusing how exactly, Cas ?” 

“Because the school’s Secret Santa delivery thing is supposed to be for someone you’re crushing on and, well… I’m just me,” Cas shrugs.  “Nobody has a crush on me, so I don’t know why I got one.” 

Dean frowns, taking a step towards Cas, his palm coming to rest, warm and weighty, on Cas’ shoulder.

“First of all, shut up.  And second of all… shut up, okay?   _'Just you'_ is pretty great if you ask me.  Plus, you’re my best friend and I’m awesome, so that clearly makes you awesome by association,” he adds, grinning when Cas rolls his eyes as expected.  “Anyway, this is actually pretty cool, because now at least one of us has a Secret Santa.” 

“Dean, you have three Secret Santas. You told me so yourself at lunch,” Cas responds wryly, tucking his letter carefully into the pocket of his backpack. 

“Well yeah,” Dean admits sheepishly.  “But one is Lisa so…just no, not getting sucked back into that.  The second is Jo being a pain and trying to get me back for something I don’t even remember doing anymore, and the last one…” he trails off awkwardly, looking down, suddenly extremely interested in the toes of his sneakers as a light blush colours his cheeks.

“The last one what?”  Cas  asks, wondering why  Dean suddenly  seems reticent.

“I think the last one might be from Aaron,” Dean mumbles, eyes finally flicking up to meet Cas’ gaze, searching. 

"It makes you uncomfortable that it’s from a guy?” Cas muses, curious. 

“No,” Dean admits, shrugging.  “I just… uh…  You know what?  Never mind.  It’s not important and I gotta go meet Sammy.  I’ll see you tomorrow, Cas.”

Dean turns and strides away down the now empty hall, leaving Cas staring after him, bemusement etched on his features. 

 

*** 

 

As the days pass, the notes continue appearing in Cas’ locker each day. Never more than a few lines, mostly just a mere handful of words, they nevertheless fill his chest with warmth each time he receives one.  He carries them around with him, stealing glances at the thoughtful, tender words now and then.   

The last day of school before the holidays brings with it one final message, along with a delicate snow globe, its silvery-blue glitter swirling around a tiny dark-haired angel.  The words are bittersweet this time though, and he can’t help but dwell on them even more than usual, turning them over and over in his mind as he and Dean hang out in his room after school.

 

> _Cas_ _,_
> 
> _I hope receiving these messages meant even just a fraction of what writing them meant to me._ _I could never say these things to you in person, could never expect you to feel the same way for me, would never ask it of you._ _You deserve so much better than me, but you also deserved to hear all of these things._ _You deserve everything good._
> 
> _With love,_
> 
> _Your Secret Santa_

 

He’s disappointed that it’s still unsigned, though not entirely surprised.  It saddens him though, to think that he might never know who sent the messages or be able to tell them just how much their words mean to him.  Cas knows that in reality he’s just ordinary - plain, boring, flawed - and he doesn’t understand how someone as kind and thoughtful and caring as this person clearly is could think so little of themselves as to feel undeserving of his affection.

A heavy sigh interrupts his thoughts and he glances over at Dean where he sits beside him on the bed, slumped over, arms wrapped tightly around his shins as he rests his forehead on his knees.

“Dean?” he asks, concerned.  “Dean, what’s wrong?” 

Dean merely shrugs his shoulders, not even bothering to lift his face. 

“Dean please… tell me,” Cas pleads, reaching out to rest his hand on Dean’s shoulder.  “You’ve been quiet for days now. Please just tell me what’s wrong.  Is it something to do with your Secret Santa?” he guesses.  Dean doesn’t answer, but the sudden tension that Cas can feel beneath his fingers gives him away. 

“Is it… Is it because of Aaron?” Cas asks, hesitantly.  “Because he’s a guy?”  He knows Dean denied it before, but he can’t understand why else Aaron’s crush seems to make Dean so uncomfortable.  It’s not like it had been a secret - everyone knew, including Dean.  Dean finally mumbles something, face still buried in his knees, and Cas rubs his shoulder gently as he has to ask him to repeat it.  When Dean finally lifts his head, the utter dejection on his face hits Cas like a physical pain.

“I’m not uncomfortable about it being a guy, Cas.  I’m just sad,” he states tiredly.  Cas' brow wrinkles in confusion and Dean lets out a bitter laugh.  “I’m sad because it’s not the  _right_ guy okay, Cas?”

And oh… _that_ takes Cas by surprise, because he had no idea Dean was interested in anyone, let alone a guy.  It hurts too, because before, he could tell himself that his growing feelings for Dean were one-sided because Dean was only interested in girls, but now… now he’ll have to deal with the knowledge that it’s just  _him_  Dean isn’t interested in.  He suddenly realises Dean is still speaking, the tail end of his sentence interrupting Cas' train of thought.

“…I just hoped that it might be this guy who was writing after all, and I guess I let myself believe it could be.”  Dean's face twists in self-deprecation as he continues, “But I could never be that lucky.  The last note was signed, and it was Aaron all along.”

Cas blinks slowly as he absorbs Dean’s words, taking a deep breath as he tries to work out what he can say to ease Dean’s sadness. 

“Dean, did you send Secret Santa notes to your own crush?” he asks, finally.   

“It’s a little more than a crush, Cas,” Dean replies darkly.  “But yeah, I sent them.” 

“Well there you go!  As soon as he gets the last one, and sees who it’s from, I’m sure he’ll come and talk to you. I have it on good authority that apparently, you’re awesome Dean,” Cas teases, nudging Dean’s shoulder with his own as he tries to lighten the mood and ignores the stab of pain in his chest at the thought of Dean with someone else.

Dean just shakes his head sadly. 

“I didn’t sign it, Cas.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  He’ll never know it was me, and that’s obviously for the best.  After all, if he felt the same way, he’d have sent me a Secret Santa, wouldn’t he?”

Cas glances down at his fingers, twisting them nervously in his lap, then back up at Dean. 

“Maybe he assumed you wouldn’t feel the same way,” he offers.  “Maybe he didn’t know you liked guys so he just didn’t see the point. Maybe I never-“  He bites his lip, cutting off the end of his sentence as he realises what he’s said. Dean looks up sharply, staring at him wide-eyed. 

“ Cas?” he murmurs, something a lot like hope colouring his voice. 

Cas swallows thickly, unable to drag his eyes away from Dean’s. 

“Dean… who did you send your letters to?” 

The moment stretches between them, the silence taut with uncertainty, until Dean finally responds with a single, whispered word. 

“You.” 

Cas lets out a wounded sound, his hands flying to Dean’s face as he pulls him in and presses their lips together in a bruising kiss.  He can feel Dean’s hands shaking as they come to rest tentatively on his shoulders and he pulls away, reluctantly, resting their foreheads together.

“You’re an idiot, Dean Winchester,” he breathes, gently tilting Dean’s face upwards so their eyes meet once more, losing himself in the clear, green gaze.

“You’re important and you matter,” he whispers fiercely.  “Someone should tell you that every day, because it’s true. You’re beautiful, inside and out. You deserve everything good, and don’t you _ever_ say otherwise, do you hear me?” 

Dean’s answering smile is a soft, shy thing, his cheeks flushed and his lips trembling and as he leans in and tenderly kisses Cas once more.


End file.
